


Wind & Anchor

by 11oyd



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Bucky Barnes finally gets his hug, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Steve POV, in love idiots, old men using new technology, post-serum Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-13
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:47:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6837883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/11oyd/pseuds/11oyd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky's obsessed with his new iPhone and everyone seems to know why except for Steve and it might actually be driving Steve insane not knowing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wind & Anchor

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading my dumb things

"Wow, he really likes that thing, doesn't he," comments Sam as he watches Bucky across the room, staring intently down at his phone like it's made of gold.

"Yeah, Bucky's real good with technology," says Steve, puffing up a little bit with pride. Every time someone says something remotely positive about Bucky, it feels like they've just personally handed Steve a gold medal and a hundred bucks. "Bucky always took well to technology when we were growing up. He used to read sci fi mags all the time when we were kids, so he was always ready for anything new."

Sam's nodding with that look in his eyes that says Steve is rambling again - Steve does that a lot, when it comes to talking about Bucky. After waking up from the ice, he'd spoken so little about his life before the war, only sharing when someone thought to actually ask him about it. Most people were more eager to introduce Steve to modern inventions than they were to listen about the past, and in a way he'd been relieved; talking about the past, talking about Bucky, only made him feel a funny sort of ache all over in his bones, in his head. Now, though, with Bucky safely in the Tower and the funny ache halfway gone, the words feel like they're all leaping to get out his mouth at once.

The Avengers are maybe getting a little sick of it.

"What's he doing on it anyway?" asks Sam. He takes a sip of his beer, turning slightly on his stool so that his body is turned towards Steve, though his eyes stay locked on the ex-assassin now running his fingers over his iPhone.

"I," says Steve and then pauses, frowning. A little furrow appears in between his brows. "You know… I actually have no idea."

Which is the start of his obsession.

 

* * *

 

 

"Hey," says Steve a few days later, sitting down on the couch next to Bucky. Immediately, the other man closes his phone and slides it into his pocket, looking up at Steve with a carefully blank face. Steve tries to smile. "You like that thing, huh?"

"Yes," says Bucky.

"Huh," says Steve again. "Who showed you how to work it?"

The corners of Bucky's mouth tighten incrementally. Sometimes Steve still can't get over how still he can hold his face - he remembers Bucky at age sixteen who couldn't lie to anyone, his eyes giving everything away; he remembers Bucky always trying not to laugh at Steve's dumb jokes and giving in after thirty seconds, laughter pouring out of him. This Bucky can hold himself frozen for hours. This Bucky can hear any kind of news, from the greatest horror to the deepest joy, and not move a single muscle in his face. It means a lot to Steve that he can read even this much, that tiny movement at the edges of his mouth.

"I taught myself," Bucky says.

"Oh!" says Steve, eyebrows raising. "Oh. What do you do on it?"

Bucky narrows his eyes just barely, and Steve blushes. _Subtle, Rogers_. "Nothing."

"You look at it a lot," he comments.

Bucky's hand makes a tiny twitch in the direction of his pocket and then immediately closes into a fist, unmoving again. He stares at Steve, silent.

"Well, anyway!" Steve says brightly after another beat of silence. "If you ever have questions about it, you can ask… me or… Tony… I like that you can listen to music on it."

"I would like to spar now," says Bucky, which is what he says any time he wants Steve to stop talking. Steve nods, resigned, but at least Bucky isn't just blatantly telling him to shut up. Little wins, he reminds himself. Little wins.

 

* * *

 

 

"His phone?" asks Natasha as they crouch behind a wall on a mission, turning to look at him and then immediately looking back at their targets. They've got the south entrance, which they're supposed to keep clear for the rest of the team to exit from, but so far they've just watched two bored guards stand around for ten minutes. "Yeah."

"Yeah, his phone - wait, what?" asks Steve, ignoring the watch as he looks sideways at the redhead next to him. "You know what he does on it?"

"Yes," says Natasha. Her focus is single-minded, fully in the Black Widow mindset, but Steve doesn't care; he's been waiting to talk about this for the past week, and secretly he'd been hoping for some of her theories - but now that he knows she _knows_ , it feels like he's about to jump up and blow their cover.

" _Well_?" he says impatiently. "What does he do? He's on it literally all the time, Nat, and he won't tell me, he always shuts it as soon as I get close. Like what could it be? Some secret spy thing? Is he - I mean, is he talking to someone behind my back?" Doubt creeps into his voice.

"Steve," says Natasha. "Don't be paranoid."

"I'm not paranoid! I'm just thinking through all the options. And I just don't get why he doesn't trust me with something he clearly enjoys." He's not jealous of a phone. He's _not_.

"Do you not trust him?" she asks.

Steve gapes. "Yeah, Nat. Of course I trust him."

"Then," she says, "trust him to tell you when he's comfortable."

He doesn't know what to say to that, but he knows she's right. He should just be thankful that Bucky stays with him at all, when he could have chosen to go anywhere in the world. Steve knows it's not easy, trying to recuperate in the Avengers Tower with everyone hovering around, waiting to see if he turns back into the Winter Soldier. He knows it's been hard, and, shit, he's just been making it harder, hasn't he? "I just," he says, sounding mournful, "Why does he trust you and not me?"

Natasha doesn't look at him, doesn't turn her gaze away from where they're meant to be watching, but Steve can see something move in her jaw like she's gritting her teeth together. It's only for a moment and then her expression goes carefully blank - like Bucky's, he realizes. He realizes it a second before she speaks. "We understand each other," she says. "We know we're different from the rest of you. We're missing something."

"Missing what?" he asks.

She finally turns her head to look at him, looking at him and then smiling in the corner of her mouth, more to herself than to him. "Don't worry, Steve," she says. "We'll find it soon."

 

* * *

 

 

Finding out that Tony knows - _Tony_ \- when he still has no idea feels like the last straw. Not that it took many straws to get Steve there; some people were under the assumption that Captain America was gracious and benevolent at all times and not pushy in the slightest, but those people hadn't seen Steve at ninety-five pounds trying to get a corn dog at the state fair. He'd had to develop a stubborn scrappiness to survive back then which the super soldier serum hadn't erased. If anything, that had been enhanced along with everything else he'd had before. He knows he's glowering right now in a corner as he watches Tony and Bucky chat amicably while Tony works on Bucky's arm and both of them - _both of them!_ \- glance down to look at something on Bucky's phone.

Steve stiffens when Tony starts laughing and then both of them look up in one motion over at Steve. He tries to hide the fact that he was staring at them, blustering slightly and turning away before giving up the goose and turning back to glower. Bucky looks faintly amused, his lips just barely quirked up, and it's almost enough to make Steve stop scowling. He hasn't seen Bucky look that in quite a long time - it's gotta mean that whatever's on his phone is good, right?

And maybe that's enough. Maybe it's enough that Bucky has his own thing, his own space, doing something without Steve for once. Steve's been worrying about him nonstop since they found him in an old factory two months after the Washington catastrophe, but now it's been almost a year and maybe it's time he's accepted that Bucky is fine, he's capable of taking care of himself and his own happiness and his own recovery.

But still - _Tony_?

What's Tony got that he doesn't have?

Which, sure. The building, for one. And the ability to give Bucky a brand new working arm, for another. And his genius brain and his cool iron man suit, _whatever_. Steve's got - history with Bucky. Nice history. Sometimes he wonders if Bucky remembers their secret fumblings in the dark when they were teenagers, but Bucky's never made any mention of it, and Steve's never brought it up for fear that Bucky would think Steve wants it again now. Which he does, but not if Bucky feels pressured into it. God, Steve shouldn't feel sorry for himself, but it's hard sometimes not to, just a little, constantly thinking about all the Ifs and Buts and Maybes and trying to be helpful but also let Bucky be independent and trying to be affectionate but not creepy and -

"You're chewing your lip," says Bucky, abruptly standing directly in front of him.

"Sorry," says Steve because he doesn't know what else to say. His lip does feel a bit tender.

"Worrying," says Bucky. He seems to hesitate and then he slowly reaches out to press his finger to the wrinkle in between Steve's brows; Steve remembers Bucky smoothing his hand over his forehead again and again when they were younger, always telling him not to get wrinkles.

"Sorry," says Steve again. He frowns, looking down at the ground, and then back up. "I'll lay off."

Bucky frowns too. He actually frowns, a real one, instead of simply looking more blank or just letting his eyes narrow. "Don't."

Steve tilts his head, confused. "About the phone," he explains. "I know it's your business. I don't mean to obsess over it, I just," _Don't get why other people get to know and not me_ , he thinks.

"Tony was helping me," says Bucky after a moment. Steve just nods. He's not going to ask. He's just made that promise to himself - he's done being nosy. He's better than that. And Bucky deserves more. But Bucky looks frustrated for some reason and he sits down on the bench next to Steve, moving his phone between his hands, back and forth. "Tony was - he was telling me he could print them off," he finally says.

Steve just looks at him. "Print what off?"

Bucky lifts his phone, presses his metal thumb to the home button so it can scan the metal, and then hands it over to Steve. Steve sucks in a quick breath, holding Bucky's unreadable gaze for a second before looking down at the thing he's thought about for the past three weeks now - and he sees photos of himself. Endless pictures of himself. He moves his thumb to hover over the 'Albums' button, looking quickly at Bucky to see if he has permission, waiting for the short nod before he presses it. Underneath 'All Photos', it says there's 10,271 pictures.

Then, underneath, there's an endless amount of sub-albums.

There's 'Steve smiling' - 4,720.

There's 'Steve thinking' - 281.

There's 'Steve in combat' - 444, and when had the Winter Soldier been taking pictures of Steve fighting that Steve hadn't noticed? How was that even possible? Four hundred and forty-four pictures. Maybe some were downloaded from previous missions, from before. Maybe.

Underneath that one, he sees the album 'Steve sleeping' with a grand total of 1,200 pictures and maybe he should feel a little creeped out by this collection, but he clicks on it and it's just pictures of him on the couch with his mouth open or him on a lawn chair with his neck at an awkward angle or him in his bed curled up around himself looking vulnerable. There's six in a row of the same position with the camera closer each time and Steve feels like crying at the idea of Bucky sneaking closer and closer with his phone out, his expression wrapped in concentration as he tries to document Steve's sleep. He knows that feeling - he knows waking up in the middle of the night with the insatiable urge to go and check on Bucky, to make sure that he's still alive and in the next room over.

He looks up now and catches a true anxious look on Bucky's face, his eyes wide and almost fearful as he takes in Steve's reaction; it's the rawest thing he's seen on the Winter Soldier's face and it makes his chest feel impossibly tight.

"I didn't," says Bucky and then stops, physically steeling himself for whatever he's about to say. He shakes his head, and Steve reaches out, putting his hand on Bucky's knee and squeezing. Bucky's right hand comes down to cover Steve's with his own, holding it there. "Didn't want to forget anything this time if they got me again."

"Bucky?" asks Steve. He looks back down at the phone, swiping back to albums, seeing more and more of Steve captured in different ways - there's a section of Steve looking at the camera with a stupidly fond expression, and it's so clear in these pictures that he's in love, that he would do anything for the person taking the picture. This album doesn't even have a real title, it's just labeled 'Steve.' How the hell did he not notice Bucky taking pictures in these instances? He must be the most unobservant Avenger in the world.

"This way I know it's real," says Bucky quietly. "When you tell me about memories in the past, I want to believe… I do believe, but it might not be the way you remember. You might be wrong. But these aren't fake. I took them myself. I know this is real. I can… I can remind myself."

Steve turns towards Bucky, letting the phone fall in between them as he puts his arms around Bucky and holds him close, his eyes threatening to fill. All this time, Bucky's been silently trying to reassure himself that he still wasn't being manipulated or controlled. Just trying to reassure himself each day by looking back over their past moments together that Steve was real and true - he clutches Bucky tighter, feeling him slowly raise his arms around Steve and hug back. "I love it," he says, pulling back. He gives Bucky a watery smile, feeling incredibly delicate. "We should take a picture of us together. If you'd like."

Bucky's eyes widen further like he hasn't thought of this yet and then his mouth threatens to break out into a real, genuine smile - when Tony bounds up next to them, grinning from ear to ear. "So you showed him?" he asks eagerly. "Did you show him the dumb expressions album? The struggling to fit into too-small clothes album? The _checking out the other Avenger's asses album_?"

"What?" splutters Steve, looking back and forth between Bucky and Tony and then down at the phone but Bucky's already snatched it up and stood up, looking edgy. "Bucky?" he demands, getting to his feet. "You don't have an album of me checking out - I don't do that," he argues, his ears going bright red. "I don't! And my clothes are perfectly normal-sized!"

Tony is cackling like mad, his eyes gleaming. Bucky's eyes are darting all around, looking for exits.

"He caught you looking at my ass, Rogers," says Tony, which might be the worst thing anyone's ever said to Steve. "Like forty times too! Wait till I show Pepper. I haven't told her yet because I was waiting for you to find out first, because the look on your face right now is simply incredible, and there's pictures of you checking out Bruce - and _Natasha_ , risky move, Stripes, and Clint, your eyes just go everywhere --"  

"Bucky," Steve warns. "Delete the ass one."

"No," says Bucky, taking a step back. He's got the phone cradled against his chest like it's a child, holding it with both hands. 

"Bucky," Steve says again.

"You know, nothing ever really gets  _deleted_ these days," says Tony. "Everything is retrievable. Everything."

"I'm the Winter Soldier," Bucky says, backing up further.

"I don't care."

"I can speak eight languages," he insists. "I can hide in plain sight."

"Give me the phone," Steve snarls.

"Jarvis, the lights!" yells Tony and the lights all blacken at once and Steve can hear Bucky running away and Tony's still laughing and Steve is chasing after, some of his indignation dissipating into laughter as well because Bucky's finally sharing the phone with him - he's finally in on the secret, it's finally his too. No matter how many embarrassing pictures of him exist in the world now, there's a hundred more that prove his love for Bucky and he's glad that that's been captured, he's glad Bucky's able to see it as much as he wants - as much as he deserves, as much as Steve can give him always.


End file.
